His reactions

It took a few days before Fred and I had a chance to talk alone. He said he had thought about everything that I wrote in the letter. He was surprised by alot of it. He said he really didn't see how bad I was struggling with everything that was going on. He felt I was doing great. Yea ok. My wonderful loving and caring husband said he would try anything in the world if I thought it would help me relax a bit more. He wanted me calm and happy again. Let me just say I have never been a calm women. Feisty high strung, firecracker is more like it. I have always taken care of everything in our home, except the garbage and the car repairs. I even mow the lawn and weed whack our two acres myself. Something cracked in me this year and I am not sure why. I have always handled everything and anything that comes my way, but after my sons illness this last time I was just lost. Lost in a sea of thinking and feeling everything was just crap. The letter changed everything. We talked about it in great detail. He was worried about hurting me. Seriously you my man have done crazier more aggressive things to me having sex than a spanking. And spanking was already in our sexual play , so it wasn't new, just in a different way. We made plans the following Friday to get all of the kids out of the house. Yes the kid were gone. My wonderful Fred was nervous, I on the other hand was not. I tried to make things easier for him. I walked in the room with a smile, a belt, wooden spoons and a brush. Walked back out of our room undressed and walked back in our room dressed in a new beautiful  red satin outfit. I walked into our room and laid over his lap. I am yours my dear to do as you wish. What an amazing time. It was clumsy at first, but he tried all those items out light at first I have to say I laughed a bit at the lighter one's he quickly found that it was ok to crack me quite a bit harder. I have been blessed with a very high pain tolerance. To high I think sometimes. Lots of broken spoons around here now. This was the beginning. It has been the best thing that has happened in a long time. It is a way for both of us to relax a little. Fred finds that it helps him relax and he enjoys time talking with me naked and over his lap. He is even a little bossy which I never thought I would see the day that would happen. To my laid back easy going Fred I Love you and I am so grateful that you have chosen this journey with me.

Those special moments.

You know those little moments. A soft touch of his hands. The look, the one with the little grin that still makes my insides come unglued. Well I game in the house Friday night and told  Fred the great news. I found a job. I am so happy. It's been a rough 7 months. We have had a very sick child for several years now, but he had been very ill right around the time I was laid off so it was a good time for me to get laid off, but we do live in a very expensive area so its time for me to go back. Are child is better again. Our son has a rare illness that caused him to go blind at 21 years old on Christmas morning no less. It has been a very difficult 2 years and I never really worked thru what happened, I just did the best I could. Then I happened across a few blogs online. I read alot of blogs and a couple really made me start to think that maybe just maybe this could be a great way to deal with the stress without drugs from a doctor. I just didn't want to drug myself to deal with all of this. So one night I wrote hubby a letter. Told him about the spanking I had read about, how I thought that maybe it could help both of us let go of the stress. I told him I needed help, that I had been struggling with having to deal with everything at home and just couldn't do it all alone anymore. Not that I am alone but , he works 12 hour days 6 days a week. I watched out the window as he read the three page letter saw a few smiles giggles and a couple of sad faces, and then he started walking thru the yard to the house. He walked over to me and gave me a hug said I Love you and we will talk when no kids are around. More later Hugs Annie

Hopes for a better day.

It saddens my heart to see what is happening in blog land. I have spent many months reading blog after blog and enjoying the beauty of each one. I can tell you right now I am not a writer, just a mom on a journey with a great man. 26 years of pure love and I am blessed. We have had our heartache, but have always held together. This will be my place to let it all out. Fred approves and thinks it will be good for me to put it in words. Some of the heartache of the last three years and how he has helped me to cope with that. Tell you more later. Hugs Annie

Friday night fun

Dont you just love those wonderful nights when you have the house all to yourselves. Just you and hubby making the most of every glorious moment. Touching, feeling, talking and spanking. I get so excited when I drop the last kid off wherever they are going to. I rush home knowing what a wonderful two hours its going to be and then the phone rings and someone wants to come home early. Damn. So much for Friday night fun night.  Such sadness. Love to be a mother of such a big brood, but sometimes I just want to be alone with my man. Time to start planning next Friday. HOPE